First Time Mum; What the F**k has happened to my life?


Dear First time Mum,
I know what has happened to your life.

You have grown a little person inside of you- pretty unbelievably incredible. From the minute you started growing them you made sacrifices. They consumed all your energy and the past year or more has been the most tired you’ve ever felt.
You’re so tired you don’t know whether you’re coming or going- you’ve gone from not being tied down to having a person completely dependent on you for their every need. The things you thought were going to happen probably didn’t and the things you never even considered became part of your everyday life.
You’ve put every ounce of your energy into growing and keeping this little person safe. Every ounce of love to protect them. Every ounce of knowledge into caring for them.
You’ve felt like you’ve had no f’in clue what you’re doing and so many people telling you things you ‘should’ be doing. You’ve tried things and they didn’t work. You’ve cried. You’ve laughed. You’ve smiled. You’ve loved like you’ve never loved before.
You’ve lost yourself and who you were amongst the chaos of this massive lifestyle change and your body will never be the same as before. Emotions, hormones and it’s shape.

Some days you don’t think you can cope, you just want to run away but then you feel guilty for even thinking this- how could you ever leave this amazing being that you created!
Some days you just lock yourself away because it’s just easier- it’s easier to be at home where it doesn’t matter if your little one cries, if either of you spend all day in your pyjamas, where you have all your stuff to hand.
But before you know it you’ve shut the world out and you feel lonely. Loneliness like you’ve never known. Your phone is your lifeline but you just don’t get chance to reply to the messages, the notifications get too much and you’re tired.
You need your friends but how the hell do you fit all this in?

You think ‘what the fuck has happened to my life’?

How do I know all this? I’ve been there too. Twice.
So has every other mum I’ve ever spoken to. It’s completely normal to feel like this. But no-one tells you about this do they? I think people must forget the ‘mum feels’ as their kids grow, and hindsight is a wonderful thing- but as I say very inaccurate and not very helpful.

You are normal. This is normal.

Your body, your mind and your emotions have been thrown onto a rollercoaster and set off at 200mph.
You don’t have to have postnatal depression to feel like crap. You don’t have to have postnatal anxiety to feel like crap.
Sometimes our emotions are too much for us, the ‘mum feels’ are too much for us.

Speak out about your ‘mum feels’ – it really does help to talk, and when you hear other people feel the same it’s massively reassuring.
Ask for help if you need it- even if it’s just for someone to come round and make you a brew.
If your friends are Mums, they’ll understand- they will totally get it. If they don’t get it, they’re not your mates.
I know it doesn’t feel like you can right now but you really NEED to make some time for yourself- it’s really important! If you don’t look after yourself you can’t look after anyone else- your mind won’t let you.

If you’re feeling lost at the moment, get your map right here. I’m ready to catch you as you fall. I’m ready to push you back up onto your feet and shout go, you’ve got this!


10 things motherhood has taught me

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Motherhood. When does that begin? Is it the moment you find out you’re pregnant or is it the moment you give birth and hold your baby in your arms for the first time?

The first thing I know about motherhood is that from the moment you find out about your child you would do anything to protect them and make sacrifices for them without a second thought. You sometimes don’t realise this until they’re here but your whole outlook on life and your priorities change. Completely and utterly. Life gets a whole new meaning.

Number 2; your whole life changes. It becomes a whirlwind of happiness, chaos, bliss, frustrations- basically an emotional rollercoaster. You can’t plan or predict anything, nothing is guaranteed other than the fact that despite the lows the highs will always outweigh them. You will also cry at anything and everything.

Number 3; Some days will be shit. Like proper shit. And really tough, so tough that you want to throw the towel in but you can’t. And then that little face will look at you and you’ll just want to smother them in cuddles and kisses. Your heart will hurt with so much love that it will feel like it’s going to burst out of your chest… You will often get that feeling when your children are sleeping…!!

Number 4; The people you thought would be part of your child rearing journey may not actually be. Time plays a massive factor in this, as does conflicting opinions or a different outlook on life. Child free friends wont always get ‘it’ and you don’t have the time, patience or energy to encourage them to get ‘it’. Which leads me on to

Number 5; Your baby and then child will suck every ounce of energy from you. You know when you feel so tired you’re like a zombie? Well multiply that by ten… and then double it!! You no longer have time for meaningless confrontations- i.e. confrontations with anyone outside of your household UNLESS they are in some way affecting your children… Then Mama Lion comes out roaring to protect her pride.

Number 6; It doesn’t matter how you parent, someone will ALWAYS have an opinion on it… and tell you their opinion regardless of if you want it or not! Ignore judgement, take positive comments (and keep them stored up because you will need them on the tough days) and just do your thing- a happy mum often means happy kids and happy kids make mums life easier- up to a point of course!!

Number 7; Asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’re normal. And you will need help, so take it if it’s offered- but only if you want to. Don’t feel like you have to accept help from people that you don’t feel comfortable doing so just because its being offered.

Number 8; Nipping to the shops or just leaving the house in general will take five times as long as it used to, and as it should do!!

Number 9; Motherhood has taught me an awful lot about myself! It has taught me about my strengths, my weaknesses and how strong I am as a person. It has taught me that some things are worth stressing about and others just really aren’t. It has taught me a massive amount about other people and reminds me to stay true to myself. It has taught me about what kind of person I want to be and what kind of role model.

and lastly, but most importantly

Number 10; The main thing that motherhood has taught me is what it is to feel strength like no other and a fierce love that I never imagined I’d ever find.  A love that is so strong that I’ve never known love like it. The rush of relief, pride and that love I felt the first time I held my babies, well nothing in this world compares to that and probably never will.

Motherhood turned my world upside down and inside out. It changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I wouldn’t change it for the world ♥