10 years and heading forward

10 years ago I was 19. I went out drinking and dancing on a weekend. During the week I went to work. I argued with my boyfriend. I made up with my boyfriend. I went on my first girlie holiday with my friends. I was young and free.

9 years ago I’d just bought my first house and would be about to go through my worst break up with the person I thought I’d marry.

8 years ago I was falling in love with the man I’d marry.

7 years ago I didn’t know yet but there was a baby growing inside of me who was about to change my life forever.

6 years ago I was a brand new Mama. Wondering if I was doing it ‘right’.

5 years ago I was Mama. Learning how to juggle the realities of family life.

4 years ago my anxiety was beginning to take its toll and I began to recognise that it was becoming an issue.

3 years ago I was wedding planning. Invites were very soon to be given out and the stress of a wedding would kick in.

2 years ago I was newly married and struggling. I was desperate for another baby but each month mother nature appeared. Very soon she’d give up and give in to my demands! School was looming for our eldest daughter.

1 year ago I had just become a Mama of two. Learning how to divide my attention and juggle school runs and sleepless nights.

Now.
I’m about to turn 30. I’m married with two children. Two girls. My first house is filled with toys, noise and we have outgrown it. My heart is filled with love and my head is filled with worries. I have a handful of friends who I can call on when I need support. Nights out are rare. I talk about my experiences of parenting to help other parents, to support them and to let them know that they’re not alone.
I struggle daily with anxiety.

So much has changed in 10 years time.
This year I want to stop the clock. I don’t want to go back but I don’t want to go forward either. I just want to sit right here in my twenties.
Obviously going forward is inevitable.
Life has many twists and turns and you never know where your path will lead you. People may join you on your path or simply be crossing it.
But you can’t turn back, you can only head forward.