Dear First time Mummy to be,
You think you’re ready for your new arrival. You just want it to be ‘time’.
The truth is you can never be ‘ready’. You can never fully prepare yourself for what is parenthood.
I’m not trying to scare you, I’m trying to stop you from setting yourself up to fail- from blaming yourself when things don’t go ‘to plan’.
With babies there are no plan- they just simply do whatever THEY want.
And yours won’t be any different…!
But that doesn’t mean you haven’t got this. It doesn’t mean you won’t be a good parent.
It probably does mean you won’t have a clue what you’re doing OR if you’re doing it right BUT none of us do!!
6 years in I’m still winging this whole parenting gig 💪🏼
You’re baby might not actually sleep- 9 months in … 12 months in… 18 months in your baby still might not of gotten the sleeping through memo.
Everyone will ask you “are they sleeping through yet?” And you’ll want to shake them (the people not your baby) or stick your middle finger right in their face.
Some days you will feel like you want to kill everyone and you want answers as to why your baby won’t sleep but no-one can answer it. People make suggestions and you try EVERYTHING and they STILL don’t sleep and you think you’re going to die from sleep deprivation.
Your baby might sleep, then as you’re thinking how cushty this is, boom they decide to not. And you will wonder how you are ever going to get through this.
But surprisingly you do. You always get through. You might have days where you look like shit, where you want to run away, where you wonder what the f you’ve done BUT YOU DO GET THROUGH IT. You might be broken for weeks at a time, months. But you will always get through.
Babies don’t follow the plan.
You’ll get judged on your parenting decisions and you’ll need to rant and cry and feel like you’re a shit parent.
Trust your instinct and remember you are the parent, you are not shit and you MUST do what’s best for you and baby.
What works for one baby doesn’t always work for another so when it comes to advice, get lots of different opinions, find out what works for you and adapt it to fit if you need to.
People have this thing where they think if you ask for advice, YOU HAVE to take theirs. You don’t.
Be confident in your choices, know you’re doing your best and let any Judgement wash over you… ain’t none of us Mama’s got time for that 💪🏼
You’ll have days where your baby won’t settle and you don’t know what to do and you want to cry with them because it’s scary. Those are the days that there’s never anyone around to help. But always know there will be a million other mums out there feeling exactly the same too. And it is scary. Baby will pick up on your feeling so try and relax and take it one hour at a time!
You’ll have days where baby only wants you and you feel drained, and you need space and all you want is 10 minutes peace.
But then you’ll also have days where you leave your baby for that well needed ‘me’ time and you just want to run back to them and pick them up and cuddle them and never be parted from them ever again.
Some days or even weeks you will become a recluse because it’s just to hard to leave the house. Just as you think you’re winning, baby will be sick down your shoulder (muslin cloths are a necessity) or have a poo explosion and it’s back to square one. Plans will be made and cancelled and made and cancelled again and some friends will understand and some won’t. You will make new friends and they will become your back up and you will wonder what you ever did without them.
In the first few weeks people will descend on you and their only concern will be THEM meeting baby. It will slowly fizzle out and when YOU need people they’ll be doing their own thing.
This isn’t about anyone else, it’s about the parents and baby. Be firm with people and don’t stress yourself out trying to please others. It’s not their journey.
It will possibly be the toughest time you and your other half have been through, navigating a maze of feelings for each other and learning new roles. They won’t know what to say or do and you’ll be too tired or frustrated to tell them. Hormones will be all over the shop and you won’t have a clue how you really feel. You’ll argue, you’ll shout and some days you’ll hate each other. But hopefully your love for each other and baby will see you through and 12 months in, it will start to even out.
Try and make time for each other- even if it’s 5 minutes for a cuddle, remember that you’re a team and that communication is the key.
Dear First Time Mummy to be,
Parenting is a crazy assed journey that won’t ever be what you expect it to be and it will never go to plan.
Enjoy the good days and ride out the shit days, ask for help when you need it and speak out about your ‘mum feels’.
Trust your instincts and know who’s got your back.
It may be a crazy assed journey full of ups and downs but I can promise you it will be one that
YOU WILL NEVER REGRET.